Untitled as of now
by Alison Rose
Summary: RENTfic. I don't think it's really PG-13 but I have my few choice words in there. Usual Roger in Sante Fe..Mark not..
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Characters belong to the late great Jonathan Larson 

Authors note: Not exactly sure where I'm going with this one but I figured I would post it and get some feedback...maybe some ideas?? Thanks guys!! 

"Go talk to her!" 

"I can't, Mark! It's not that easy, she doesn't love me anymore" 

"She must love you to put up with your shit as long as she has!" 

"Hey! I don't do that much!" 

"Oh come on, Maureen. This isn't the first time Joanne has caught you with someone else. Say it with me now, MON-OG-OMY." 

She playfully hits me. Don't get me wrong, I love Joanne, but I am so happy it's her dealing with Maureen this time. 

"Just get off your cute little ass, go kiss and make up and do whatever you lesbians do." 

"Say it with me now Pookie, HY-PO-CRITE." 

Maureen and I have been sitting in the loft for the past hour just talking. Well, I guess talking isn't the word. She's complaining, I'm listening, observing. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about." 

"Really? You're telling me to go and talk with my girlfriend when you can't even talk with your best friend?" 

"Hey, he's the one who left! He's the one who waited a month to call-" 

"But he did! You won't even talk to him!" 

"Well, excuse me for being just a little `I add sarcastically' pissed. He ups and leaves with no warning, sticks me with the stupid rent, then waits a month to call." 

Truthfully I don't care about the rent. I could afford it, thanks to mommy. I don't even care that he didn't leave a note; I didn't expect one. It's just that he left. I can't just talk to him. If I do, I'll forgive him and then I just leave myself open for more pain. I was hoping he wouldn't leave. That maybe just for once, he would just shut down. I mean sure, after Angel's death, he shut down for a little bit, but then he ran. He ran to get away from the pain of loving and losing Mimi. Now, after Mimi's death, what pain is he running from? The only one left is me. 

"Sweetie, you knew it was coming. You have to remember this is Roger we're talking about. He has to run, to get away. If he doesn't, he may very well do something he would regret." 

"What is this, you come for advice and end up giving it to me?" 

Way to change the subject, Cohen. 

"What can I say? I'm always here to help" She grins, "Alright, well I'm going to talk to Joanne. God help me." She pecks my cheek, "Bye, Pookie." 

Maureen gets up and walks out of the loft. The phone rings and I, of course, screen. 

*SPEAK* 

"Mark? Mark; please pick up the phone. Listen, I know you're pissed at me, you have every reason to be, but you can't ignore me like this, you can't stay mad! I need to talk to you" 

Before I even realize it my ear is to the phone and words are spilling out of my mouth. 

"It's okay for you to leave me without a trace but it's not okay for me to try to prevent myself from YOU? Not being able to go filming without knowing if you'll be home when I get there, of never knowing? Don't tell me what I can and cannot do Roger. You lost that ability a month ago!" 

*CLICK* 

As soon as I hang up I regret everything that I said and not hearing him out. I can't even call him back; God only knows where that boy is! I know that I could very well have just pushed him away forever. He doesn't need me like I need him. He can survive without me. That was always the biggest difference between him and me. He once said that I detach myself, and I agree with him one hundred percent, but I need him here. I have to remind him to take his AZT, to leave the loft every now and then because if I don't I realize how truly useless I am to him, to everyone. I realize how much it wouldn't matter if I were here or not. 

*SPEAK* 

"Fuckin' A Mark, pick up the phone. You're right, okay? Hate me, loathe me, detest me just pick up the damn phone! Look, I'm sorry, okay? Just talk to me!" 

I stand there with my sweaty palm still on the phone. I listen to Rogers plea and can't help myself from picking up the phone. 

"Roger Davis, apologizing? I really wish I knew how to save on this damn machine." 

I can hear him smiling 

"Hey Mark, how are you?" 

"What do you care?" 

"Would I be calling if I didn't?" 

"You can only live so long without your guitar." 

When I got home from filming that day, his guitar was still here. I told myself he went for a walk or just "out", anything but the truth. I knew that he had left for good, I just wanted to live in denial for as long as possible. 

"Mark, I'm serious" 

"So am I, Roger. You don't care how I am" I mock, "You can't. If you cared, you wouldn't have left. If you cared, you wouldn't have left me. Mimi was one of my best friends too, you know. I lost someone too." 

I know that at the mention of Mimi, I've pushed it. In my mind, I can see him clenching his fists at me while fire appears in his eyes. I keep going. I know I shouldn't. I should shut up and leave it or better yet, I should do the "Mark" thing and just beg for his forgiveness. But I'm sick of Mark. 

"You left me when I needed you most. You forget that Mimi meant something to me too, to all of us, as did Angel and April. Who do you think Mimi and April came to talk with when there was a fight and you took off? I was the only one who ever understood you. They would tell me how much of an asshole you are. I would nod, agree, and then break out into the nice Rogery things you do. We would talk for hours until you came home. Now they're gone and you left, so I'm here, alone, talking to myself for hours until you come home. But you didn't come home and I got quiet" 

I know I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't bring up April. I shouldn't bring him back to that time. Not without being with him, making sure the outcome isn't the same. He stays silent on the other line for what seems like forever. 

"Are you done, Mark?" 

I take a deep, almost painful breath, "Yes." 

"Good, so am I" 

*CLICK* 

Love it? Hate me, loathe me, detest me? Lemme know!! 


	2. If you're gone

Disclaimer: Everyone but Jessie belongs to the late great Jonathan Larson  
  
AN: Chapter 2! After many months hehe ( I don't know yet if I like it but enjoy! R/R!!  
  
Mark drops the phone and drops to his knees  
  
"I love him, I hate him, I love him, I hate him" He falls asleep still saying his words over and over again.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Roger stares at the phone for what seems like hours to him  
  
"Fuck"  
  
He picks up the phone and stares at it for a few more seconds. Without warning he rips it from the socket and throws it against the wall so it falls into a few too many pieces. From the bathroom comes Jessie.  
  
"Roger, what the hell-"  
  
"If he doesn't want me around that's just fine! Fuck him and fuck New York! The whole time I've been here all I've done is worry out of my fuckin mind if he's "surviving" well fuck that too! I'm not doing it anymore. I don't need him I don't need any of this shit." He keeps repeating himself, getting more and more angry. He finally stops when he notices Jessie just staring at him. "What?!" She walks over and grabs his shoulders, staring at him with all the sympathy she can have left for him.  
  
"Don't you get it Roger? That's the point!" He stares at her blankly. She throws her hands up in frustration. "You're here worrying about him. I hate to tell you buddy but worrying from here means jack shit. Sure, the thought's nice but you can't do anything! Go home, Roger! Worry about him there. Worry about him where it's going to mean something, where if something is too happen you can be there with him to stop it."  
  
"No, forget it Jessie, I am NOT going back there! Not with the way he's acting!"  
  
She just glares at him  
  
"What?!!? Don't look at me like that!"  
  
"Roger Davis, you better watch out, I may just put you in the corner"  
  
Roger gives her a "what the hell are you talking about look"  
  
"Listen to yourself babe, you're acting as though you're in 5th grade." He mocks him "I'm not going back wah wah wah" She goes back to yelling at him "Grow up Roger, go back and be with your best friend you friggan jackass. Stop mooching off of me! Go home to HIM!"  
  
"He doesn't need me!" Roger falls back onto the couch and puts his hands over his face. He sits like this for a moment until he feels the couch next to him move as Jessie sits down. He doesn't move rather talks right through his hands.  
  
"He said he didn't need me. He SAID it. I need him; I need him so badly Jessie. I need him more than I need to breathe."  
  
"Then go to him. Get out of my house and go to him. He needs you too Roger, you know he does. If you didn't believe that you wouldn't worry about him as much as you do."  
  
"He doesn't need me. No one needs me. "I gotta go."  
  
"Roger wait-"  
  
He grabs his coat and is out the front door before she can stop him.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"Marky? Marky! Marky, wake up!"  
  
Mark slowly starts to move. He opens one eye to find himself face to face with Maureen and Collins.  
  
"Hey Mark, are you okay?"  
  
"Wha- oh yeah I'm okay." He remembers that he's sleeping on the kitchen floor and quickly tries to think up an answer to the questioning look on his friends face. He gets up like it's no big deal, still slowly. "I think waking up on the kitchen floor is one symptom of a starving artist overworking on a film."  
  
He decides not to tell them about Roger. He thinks it better for his plan. He goes into "Mark" mode. Happy go lucky here to help boy. Collins holds out his hand to help Mark up.  
  
"You and that film. It'll be the end of you yet."  
  
'That position is already filled' Mark thinks grimly.  
  
He laughs. "You're tellin me."  
  
"Was your bed really that far of a walk babe?" Maureen, always one to press.  
  
"It's not like my mattress is any softer so I figured what the hell."  
  
At this Collins laughs. "Amen to that. Anyway, we were about to go for dinner at the life. Would you like to come with us?"  
  
"It's dinner time already?" He glances at the clock in the kitchen. "Holy shit" 7 o'clock. Not much time. 'Excuse, excuse..' "I'd love to guys but I really had my heart set on finishing my film tonight. It's almost done."  
  
"Oh come on pookie!" Maureen whines. " You can take shots on the way to the life! You have to come!"  
  
"Maureen, I have lived 5 minutes from the life café for 4 years now. I think I have enough footage of from here to there. Seriously, you guys go ahead."  
  
Collins looks at him suspiciously but gives in "okay, do you want us to bring you anything?"  
  
Mark pretends to look around the kitchen.  
  
"Ummm, nope I have tea here." He puts on a smile. "Thanks anyway guys, you have fun." He is practically pushing them out of the loft. As soon as they leave he shuts and locks the door. He goes over to the sink and from the cabinet underneath, pulls out a bottle of vodka. He looks at it. 'Brand new, good'  
  
He then goes to the bathroom and opens the medicine cabinet and pulls out his newly filled prescription anti-depressants.  
  
"They really shouldn't give high dosages of drugs to depressed people, you never know what they're going to do with it."  
  
He walks into Rogers room. Looking around, he takes in everything. Every dirty piece of clothing on the floor, every empty beer bottle, the random guitar pics and especially the scent. The scent of Roger that still lurks around in his room. He gets on his knees and starts feeling under Rogers bed for his guitar. After a few minutes he finds it and pulls it out from under the bed. Staring at it for a few minutes he knows he's doing the right thing. He lies on Rogers bed with his arms around Rogers guitar as though it is actually Roger. He opens the bottle of vodka and places it on the floor. Next he opens the bottle of medication. He pours some into his hand and stares at it. With his opposite hand he takes one of the pills and washes it down with vodka. He reaches for another and washes that down also with vodka. One by one he does this. One sip, one pill. One sip, one pill…  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
A phone rings  
  
"You've reached Jessie. Sorry I'm not home but leave me a kick ass message and I'll think about calling you back. Bye!"  
  
BEEP  
  
"Jess, it's Roge. I'm going home." 


	3. The Hospital

Disclaimer: All characters belong to the late GREAT Jonathan Larson.  
  
The Hospital (~~~ A Title!!!)  
  
"Paging Dr. Morris. Dr. Morris please report to room 508."  
  
"Who is here for Mark Cohen?"  
  
A young looking doctor walks out from the double doors. Maureen jumps to her feet.  
  
"I am. How is he? Is he okay?"  
  
"You got him here just in time. We pumped his stomach and he's going to be okay. We want to keep him over night for observation but you can take him home tomorrow."  
  
Maureen lets out the breath she was holding.  
  
"Thank you so much."  
  
"There is one more thing. We recommend therapy to all suicide patients. If you talk to the women at the front desk she can give you a list of doctors to contact."  
  
Maureen looks down at her feet.  
  
"He can't afford therapy." She says almost inaudibly.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
The doctor looks annoyed. She shoots him a glare.  
  
"I said, he can't afford therapy."  
  
"And how exactly is he affording this humble visit?"  
  
"Don't worry your little white coat off doc, it's covered."  
  
The doctor rolls his eyes and walks away.  
  
"Ugh, Asshole!"  
  
Maureen sits back down and starts fidgeting with her hands nervously. She gets back up and walks to the payphone. She places coins into it and dials.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi Muff- Alison, is Benny home?"  
  
"If this is that Mimi girl-"  
  
"It's not. You don't have to worry about her calling Benny anymore." It's all she can do from not breaking into tears. "Is he home?"  
  
"Pity, what happened? Couldn't pay the dealer?"  
  
Maureen clenches her fists and grinds her teeth. 'You have to do this.'  
  
"Can I talk to Benny" pause on the other end. "Please?"  
  
"Who is this?" Her voice is getting more and more suspicious.  
  
"This is Maureen."  
  
"Oh. The drama queen"  
  
Despite her attempt to contain herself, the sarcasm seeps through.  
  
"Yeah, that's me babe. Listen this is really important, is Benny there or not?"  
  
"No, he's not. Call his cell, do you have the number?"  
  
"Trust me, if I could have avoided this little chat, I would have. What is it?"  
  
Maureen hears Alison sigh on the other end of the phone and can't help but roll her eyes.  
  
"971-2948"  
  
Maureen scribbles it on her hand. "Thank you."  
  
She doesn't wait for Muffys response, she places the phone back on the receiver and smacks her pockets looking for more change.  
  
"Shit"  
  
She walks up to the main desk.  
  
"Excuse me, Miss? I'm really sorry but I need to make a call and I don't have anymore change. Do you have 50 cents I by any chance?"  
  
The woman looks at Maureen over her glasses and is silent for a few seconds. "Do you have a dollar bill?"  
  
Maureen frantically searches her pockets, she finds a dollar bill stuck between two old receipts. "Yes, right here."  
  
The woman points behind Maureen to a Snapple machine.  
  
"See that machine over there?" Maureen follows her gaze. "Go over there, put your little dollar in the machine, press change return and poof change. It's a wonderful concept."  
  
Maureen hears the mocking in the women's voice but chooses to ignore it.  
  
"Thank you so much."  
  
She turns around and mutters "bitch" under her breath while walking to the machine. She gets her change and walks back over to the payphone, now occupied by a teen girl. Maureen hears the girl talking on the phone.  
  
"So did he call you yet? Oh honey, don't worry I know he will. Remember that it took Nick three weeks to call me but he did! So what are we doing this weekend?"  
  
Maureen couldn't take it anymore, as much as the girl sounded like her (well, a once heterosexual her) she needed the phone! She tapped the girl on the shoulder and when the girl turned around, put on her snootiest smile.  
  
"Yeah, hi, umm I'm sure what you're doing this weekend is important but, you see, my friend is lying on a hospital bed close to death and I have a few phone calls to make."  
  
The girl shot Maureen an evil glare. "I'll have to call you back. There's a woman behind me who is being" she puts down the phone a little and emphasizes "EXTREMELY rude, bye Hun."  
  
The girl slams down the phone and with one last glare, she walks away. Maureen grabs the phone, puts in more change and starts dialing. She listens to it ring.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Benny, hi, it's Maureen."  
  
"Maureen? As in 'I'm a lesbian and I hate your guts' Maureen?"  
  
"The one and only."  
  
"Well then wha-" He stops mid-sentence in a moment of realization. "What happened? It's not Collins is it? Please tell me it's not Collins."  
  
"Benny, hold on, how did you know something was wrong?"  
  
"We have a problem filled 'family', well more yours then mine, and you hate me so why else would you be calling? I may be a sell out but I can put two and two together. Now, please, is it Collins?"  
  
"No, Collins is fine."  
  
He sighs. "Good. Then who? Roger, Mim-"  
  
"Mark."  
  
"Mark?!" he is obviously surprised "oh wow, is okay? What happened?"  
  
Maureen pauses for a minute. "Do you really want me to tell you on the phone or would you rather in person?"  
  
"You're right, I'll be right there. You're at the same hospital as always right?"  
  
"Yeah, oh and Benny-"  
  
"Don't worry, I have my checkbook.."  
  
For the first time since she found Mark, Maureen smiles "Thanks." 


End file.
